Uptown Notes

The event is finally arriving, the inauguration of Barack Obama. And while I am a strong critic of Barack Obama I can appreciate a good celebration, so I’ve decided to go on a hate moratorium and attend. As a result a bunch of folks have been asking me where I’m going to be at. Well I’ll only tell you dependent on how you do on this quiz, much like a NCLB test, your answers are gonna be of consequence. Don’t “study long and study wrong” and I’ll see you in D.C.

Please choose the best answer

1) Inauguration is not _________________.

a) Freaknik

b) Juneteenth

c) All Star Weekend

d) All of the above

Answer: D – Look folks, the inauguration is going to be live. Many folks, especially young black folks, will be coming from all over. This, however, does not mean that we gotta “show out.” Before you think I’m just hating, let me suggest I have attended more than one of the aforementioned events (for research purposes of course) and know what it’s all about. A note to clubs: Please stop trying to charge people 100 dollars to stand around inside staring at the same people they saw standing in line earlier that evening or in the cold at the Mall. No really, your party is not a ball (which I can’t figure out why they cost so damn much anyway) and you and I both know that the promoter didn’t vote anyway. Let’s be collectively minded and save some dough. Well everyone except all the fake ballers with sunglasses on in the club who are trying to “pop champagne” they can go into bankruptcy for all that I care.

2) At inauguration it is appropriate to purchase these types of Obama emblazoned memorabilia:

a) tee shirts

b) buttons

c) under garments

d) a lap dance

Answer: A and/or B … So I’m pretty sure part of the Obama stimulus package and Ujaama contribution has been the printing of the Obama’s family likeness on all manner of things speakable and unspeakable. Recall a few things people, if you buy something, make it good. Don’t get that tee shirt of Obama, Tupac, Biggie and Barry White. While it may appear to be the soul Version of Mount Rushmore, I assure you when you take it home and look at it when you’re not “under the influence” you’ll regret it. And for those thinking about C – you know it’s not right to have any of their faces on your private parts… you’re not an Lewinsky and this isn’t a Clinton Inauguration, Aaaayyyyooooo!!!! And for ya’ll who selected D… dude a lap dance is not even memorabilia, but you were already gonna buy some of those, so could you please keep the Pacman’ing to a minimum, this is going to reflect on all of us.

3) The best way to locate people is to:

a) call them from The Mall, yell loudly “you see me?”, and wave your hand

b) tell them you’re near a port-a-potty

c) text them you’re near the family with the rhinestone Obama shirts

d) use your iphone to tweet your current location or dodgeball and let your friends find you

Answer: B, yeah, I know you’re surprised. But on the real there will only be 5000 of those puppies, so you’ve got as good of chance as locating someone or being located there as anywhere else. Lawdhuvmercy if you really gotta go. I’m thinking I need to order one of those portable urinals I see in the SkyMall cause it’s gonna be ridiculous. For those thinking A, really you can call, but it’s gonna look like the middle passage part 2 out there, good luck. For those who picked C, you should immediately tell them being bedazzled is inappropriate and offer them another clothing option. And for D lovers … you’re a tech nerd and only you and your 8 twitter followers will be able to find you.

Well, if you scored 0 out of 3, you should stay your ass home, you’re a liability to us all.

If you scored 1 out of 3, you could probably go, but I’m thinking watching it at your local watering hole between wings is your best bet.

If you scored 2 out of 3, well done, you can roll, but don’t call me, cause my cell battery will probably be drained from all my friends who scored 0 and 1 out of 3 trying to locate me!

If you scored 3 out of 3, you can roll with me, well done. See you in the District.